As Grace had judged Dogville, she needed to no longer forgive the people around her. Those conversations were too much for her, and she couldn’t breathe as the hours passed by and everything was slowly disappearing: her songs, her poetry, her amazing books… And all of this for people who said that they care about her, but they only really care about what her silence could cause on each of them. If she could only smoke a cigarette…! However, she should just shut all her wishes and true desires. She closed her eyes, imagining herself walking through London’s streets, very quickly at first, but slowing down…. The Green Park peacefully wet from a little rain, a piano being played by someone in somewhere, an ash falling from a cigarette as the hours and the words were vanishing away...
The smell of the library. The tast of coffee and cigarettes in her beautiful mouth. The silence within, the rare happiness from the loneliness. She dreamed about it all, while others just kept thinking and talking about their dinner or the new car they wanted to buy. How trivial their lives could be! And, yet, she could not hate and/or blame them for this, and that was her great defect. They had their eyes wide shut, while she would rather die than live blindly. No one could understand that she was not made for this; this meaningless and shallow life in which all that matters the most are the relationships, the purchased things and the fun that people could share. She needed much more than that: she needed a true reason to live, a struggle deeper than the night, she had to live with her own death and deepest life in each day, or else she was just a shadow of herself. But whoever could understand such things?
After all, what matters the most is that she can’t choose life, at least not in the way they know it, the way they live. Her tears were dry, but she wanted them back, and she would have them, for her own sake. It was enough of everything, she needed herself, her grey soul, because she knew, deep inside, that it was real and way more truthful than the others could ever dream to see. But she could.
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